Archive for September, 2015

Here And Now

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Again I have found myself away for such a long time, not on any big adventures, but more because I have in my day to day life felt like I had nothing to share, to say. And so for months this space has languished, perhaps it is I and my life that has languished.

In these past months I have worked hard, not on anything of note but it has taken my time and energy, probably more of it then it warranted.

I have also spent time trying to discover and define my values and what they mean to me and my life. I have spent time thinking about how I want to be treated and engaged by others and in return how I wish to treat and engage with others. I have pondered big questions and at times binge watched TV. I have read and cooked, traveled to Spain again, and baked. But none of this felt important or as if I had any pressing desire to share.

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What should I have said these past months, I have sat and read in the shade by a beautiful fountain; the water spraying into the sunlight created small arcs of rainbow before disappearing. It was a small day but a lovely moment. I have doubted if that was enough. In this life of such big emotions and important moments these felt too small.

I read about the war in Syria and the migration in Europe and feel my cookies or couscous recipe seems inadequate in the light of such larger moments.

But then I thought about it again and about that small and beautiful moment by the fountain and perhaps it is small but it was real and perhaps I could find in my small and familiar life that I don’t need the big adventure but just moments and to be aware of them (and believe me couscous and cookies never hurt).

So again I will try and this time I am going to try to stay a bit out of my head – of course my cookies will not bring about world peace but perhaps they will bring a smile to someone’s face or some nourishment and perhaps for now I can rest not in the big moments that I am missing but in the life that is existing right in front of me.

Ra

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09 2015