Archive for October, 2014

Hello Again

Well hello there, it has been a long time since I have been here or done anything with this space. I appreciate the many of you who asked in this space’s absence about it, it is a strange thing for me to do and one I am never entirely sure I understand…do these words reach anyone, dose anyone care about my ramblings and observations (beyond my father of course). The space at times has seemed irreplaceable – during the RAVOLUTION – and at other times like I had little to say or share. But in this time many have asked about this little project and expressed missing it; and I must say that has meant a great deal to me even if I might have given a flippant response know that it was heard and appreciated.

It has been a strange almost year with what feels like so little of note and yet I know so much has happened. It has seemed like a time of small shifts and changes that I think at some point might amount to more then I ever expect. As with any year or any life it has been filled with many wonderful things and just as many things that have been hard and sad. I have traveled for work to San Diego, Charleston, and so many other cities. I visited friends in Pennsylvania, on The Farm, in Ashland, and on the magical island of Lopez in the San Juan Islands off of WA State.

I have had to grow stronger and find that I may be the only one who will stand up for myself. But I have also found I am strong enough to do this.

We marked the 5-year anniversary of my mother’s death, and it seems such a surreal thing to have made it this long. And in the last of the losses I had to suffer in the wake of her sudden death I had to let go of my mother’s house, a house that in her life had always been promised to me. I had to let go of thinking people would do the right thing and accept that circumstances were as they are and accept the reality hard as it may be.

I have lost relationships I thought would always be in my life. And after many years I have reestablished other relationships. I have lost friends and found deeper friendships with others. I have had happy and unexpected reunions.

I have sat in the emergency room with friends and found myself too far away when other people I love needed me in dark moments. I have thought of them all-ways wherever they might have been and wished I could comfort them.

I have watched dreams disappear over night and cried only to find them again in a different way the next morning.

I have found myself more accepted and myself more accepting. I have had to find peace in the unpeaceful.

It has been a year that I would say was like many others and yet like any day or year or person they are each unique in the gifts they take and the ones they give.

I have not been sure if this space would come back, or how. I have cooked and baked (perhaps too much) and taken pictures in case I started this venture again. And somewhere secretly I think I never gave up I just needed to rest. I needed to hibernate and in the silence again I will say thank you to all of you who didn’t let me forget that both me as a person and this space as my writing is meaningful and important to you.

I am back (at least for now) and here we go again. Promises of recipes (cookies, and my favorite easy couscous) oh and a trip to Iceland in a few weeks to try and see the Northern Lights and take a soak in the Blue Lagoon.

For now a most heartfelt thank you,

Ra

27

10 2014